Serious goals/objectives for the year of the ox...

1. Continued bone-crunching, ego-deflating pool bashings of the Pool Hall Studs (with able assistance from partner/gadfly Johnny Gumbo) at Ryan's Pub during Jazz Fest. It's mind-boggling that we should dominate year after year because those PHS guys are REALLY, REALLY GOOD! Another couple of Abita Ambers, barkeep, for me and my distinguished friend in the accordian shirt!
   
2. To work hard to eliminate my bad habit of procrastination (but more about that later)
   
3. To finally have my caption chosen as one of the three finalists for the weekly New Yorker Cartoon Contest. I would then count on riding the tidal wave of voting by my loyal readership to claim the prize. This is doable, people, I just have to be a wee bit cleverer (erer).
   
4. To win the Wednesday afternoon Apply Valley golf league with my immensely capable partner, Jim Hennessey, not for the glory, for we are kind, humble human beings, but rather to fund our golf trip to Ireland. We've already won about $100 over the last two years and I've been investing the winnings with a very astute gentleman who was recommended highly by Kevin Bacon. I don't know what our current balance is, but the last time I talked with Mr. Madoff, he said our account was faring QUITE well!
   
5. Not to appear greedy, but I'd love to win the United Kingdom National Lottery. That would be way cool! OMG! You WON'T believe this! I just checked my email and saw this notice. OMG OMG OMG! All I have to do is fill in the verification form below. I'm really nervous and excited, but I have to do my best. Here goes, wish me luck and DON'T TELL ANYONE!
   

   The United Kingdom National Lottery wishes to inform you that the results of the E-mail address ballot lottery international program by Great Britain held on the of 2nd January. 2009. Your mail account have been picked as a winner of a lump sum pay out of Eight hundred and ninety-one thousand, nine hundred and thirty-four Great Britain pounds (£891,934.00 pounds sterling's) in cash credited to file REF NO.REF:UKL/74-A0802742008. please contact your Claims Agent: Mr.Mark Cole, (Email:cgnlgroupwinsdept-uk@live.com CALL NOW: +44-703-192-1861) KINDLY FILL THE VERIFICATION FORM: 1.Full name: johnnyk music 2.Sex: This is a strange question, but I must be truthful or else I might be eliminated. Pretty tame for the most part, but I admit to being tied up just that ONE night. 3.Address: Well, of all the ones I've read or heard, I guess the Gettysburg Address is my favorite. Or, perhaps JFK's "Ask not what your country can do for you..." inaugural speech. 4.City: April in Paris (chestnuts in blossoms, holiday tables under the trees) 5.State: For the most part, despite some bumps in the road, I'd say UPBEAT. 6.Postcode: I don't know the code, so how would I know what comes after it? Jeez. 7.Country: Tough one, because I'm a little bit country and a little bit rock 'n roll. Okay, I'm going with Merle Haggard, if only as a show of solidarity for his trying to kick his pot habit. 8.Tel: Never! They'll have to torture me with feathers before I'd utter a word! 9.Nationality: I'll go with Sarah Palin on this one, the nation of Africa (but they have SO many states over there!). 10.Occupation: I suppose Iraq for the (hopefully) short term. 11.Choose your claims option- (1)Courier Delivery (2)Bank Transfer: This is a no-brainer. I definitely want delivery via Jim Courier!



6. Whew! Okay, I think I'm composed enough to continue. Next on my list: To break 80 from the tips at Beth Page Black before they close it down for the US Open. Yes, I know we've been saying that for three years and now I'm afraid it's way too late. And, oh yeah, the 'break 80' part MAY have been a bit of a stretch (read '100').
   
7. To drag The Reet down to Cafe Nine to listen to some cool bands in a great crowded, unbearably loud, beer-soaked atmosphere. She LOVES that stuff (and she's a helluva designated driver).
   
8. To fly out to Omaha with Gene Zurolo/Billy Mecca/Steve Signor to watch the Dan Gooley-led Quinnipiac Bobcats (really Braves) baseball team compete in the 2009 College World Series. Rumor has it that, as a tribute to their legendary status, QU would fly out the entire 1968 championship team (god, what a marvelous shortstop they had...I forget the guy's name, he wasn't all that great, but what a truly amazing human being). And finally (are you listening, Mr. Mecca?), when is QU going to renovate that baseball field and rename it Dan Gooley Field (also naming the backstop for Mr. Zurolo, who visited there SO many times to retrieve passed balls)?
   
9. To watch the cash-strapped NY Yankees FINALLY win the World Series again (there is a whole generation of grammar school kids who have never seen this happen!). Can they EVER get a runner in from third with less than two outs? I meant the Yankees; I know the grammar school kids could do it.
   
10. To continue the tradition (started this past Christmas) of meeting former Westie Punk Gus Peverada in Macy's women's dept to discuss life.
    
11. Last (but least), to watch the Brownies win the Super Bowl!. Think 1964 (The Championship!), not 1986 (The Drive) or 1987 (The Fumble). Think Jim Brown, Frank Ryan, Paul Warfield, Gary Collins. Actually, I would like to see them score an offensive TD, since they are at 25 consecutive quarters and counting.
    
12. And finally (I promise!), to appreciate a wonderful family, close friends.....and even you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, PEOPLE! (a tip of the hat to all you oxen, too...and you know who you are!)